You know, I've never really been into cars, bikes, whatever. They've always just been a form of transport for me. My view was something like, if it gets me from point A to point B without resulting in severe injury and/or death to riders, drivers and/or pedestrains, thats all I need to know.

So whenever I'm walking along the street with a bunch of you guys, and a nice car suddenly goes by, the conversation usually goes something like this:

"Hey check out the Skyline/Evo/Spider/Whatever."

"Erm...yeah...why does it have fluroescent lighting?"

"Because its cool!"

"Oh. But wouldn't it drain your batt if you left it on by accident or something? And anyways, why the hell would anyone buy a coupe? Damned back seats are impossible to fit into..."

I'm not a big fan, as you can probably tell. But today, I saw something which made me realise, even I have my limits.

I was on a taxi on the way to work today, chatting to the driver, when suddenly, this man riding this....THING.... cuts in front of us. I just glanced at him, then started saying something to the taxi driver, when I just suddenly jerked back for a second look.

And in front of me, was a guy riding...a moped.

Alright, I'm sure you've all heard the joke before. About how having a moped is like having a fat girlfriend, since its alright to ride both until your friends find out. I'm usually not that shallow.

But seriously, the THING being ridden in front of me had no justification for being on the road.

First off, it was UGLY. It had an ugly ass which girls with ugly asses would be grateful to god for not having. It was this big, bloated, monstrosity which looked to be designed for maximum wind resistance. You know those old fashioned wings they have on those older American sports cars? Big, gaudy and ugly in exactly that sense.

For another thing, it was PINK. Not dark reddish vermillion pink.

Bright, shiny, electric, 'Welcome to Las Vegas', 'Come into our Brothel' neon pink.

Alright, so fine. Someone has the bad taste to ride an ugly moped with an ugly colour.

Well it wasn't just an ugly colour. It was pink no doubt. And I'm sure you'd think that nothing could get worse than pink right? I mean, if there was something else on the bike that reduced the amount of pink, it'd be a good thing, right?

Well there was. The pink was liberally sprinkled with a nice pansy floral design. So not is it only and ugly ass pink moped, its an ugly ass pink moped with floral designs. It reminded me of something from a sanitary pad and tampon advertisment.

And you know how most mopeds have like a box at the back for storing stuff? Like how the Pizza Hut motorbikes have that Pizza Hut box to put pizzas in?

Well this moped didn't have a box. It had a basket. A nice, bright shiny green, white and purple basket.

Whoever weaved that thing was colourblind. I mean, some people have no taste in colour right? Well the weaver obviously had NEGATIVE taste, since not only was the basket unattractive, it was eye-stabbingly hideous.

So, fine, you saw an guy riding an ugly bike Yang. Get over it. Not everyone is a rich prick like you. Take pity on the people who can't afford anything better.

Fine. I don't like making fun of people. So I just raised an eyebrow and proceeded to ignore the guy and resume my conversation with the taxi driver.

We stop at a traffic light. And I look out the window, and there's that ugly moped. I roll my eyes. Geez.

Then I notice the guy riding it has a tattoo. He's pretty close by, like half a meter away. I'm like, what kind of tough as nails kinda guy with a tattoo rides a sissy mobile like that anyways? So I try to take a closer look at the tattoo. Its got something written on it. I squint a little bit.

And then, I see what it says.

Its a picture with barbed wire, bleeding hearts with a dagger through it and serpents and shit all over it.

And written in the heart, are these words, which from now on cause me laughing fits of an uncontrollable nature:

Hell's Angels. Riding Only What Real Men Ride.